5 Senses

5 Senses : 1. Touch 2. Taste 3.Sight 4.Hearing 5.Smell

These are first five 'consciousnesses' of The Nine Consciousnesses.

Refer to my experience in hospital. I laid on bed, tasted and smelled the packed cake, saw the shiny lights and listened many doctors consultations. As a patient, at least I can have the 5 senses, my body was weak and liked comma most of the time.

There are some tips to present the patient.
Taste : candy or little salt snack
Hearing : Music(symphony, opera or rock) or radio programme
Smell : good smell paper fan , light essence , light perfume or

For Touch, tried to receive dolls. It should consider the enough place to store and place if you plan to be present.

For Sight, it was no experience but happiness photos can be reminded happiness slots and memories, also training the memories.

My Experience

I jot down since I want to remind IT IS MY EXPERIENCE.

In 1998, at night on end of Nov. around 3:00, I Stroked.

Why?

What I would be influence after gotten? What were the differences before and after?

I’d completed Secondary School in Hong Kong, then had studied commercial stuff, had engaged some commercial acknowledgements for working. My first job liked studying atmosphere, with colleague playing football in lunch time, hiking with them in Sundays, I was enjoying. Afterwards, I changed to 3 or 4 jobs. Eventually, I worked in (at that time) the biggest electronic wholesale company as Marketing Assistant, actually I respected kept stock and ordered relevant goods. Within the period, I encountered 2 to 3 times of rotations. After settled, thought I would work in the same company until retirement or aging, worrying further studying of work or extra-circulation only. In that period, I had been in Hawaii, East and West Coast of USA. Anyway, it might be similar as others.

For my religion, I am Soka Gakkai International (SGI) of Hong Kong member since my teenage. In SGI, I am active member since Future Division (FD), Usher group, Audio and Video (A/V) group, Decoration Group, Study Group and participating Peace Festivals.

It was me before gotten Stroke.

Changed come from headache.

I might fatigue I thought. The headache appeared since 7pm, so I went to bed early. It was 3am, I couldn't sleep since then, so I woke up and scrubbed my nails. After scrubbing, I washed my hands in the kitchen.

When I turned off the water pipe, I could not stand! I'd never experience that I COULD NOT STAND! It was unbelievable, I had experience for 3 or 4 times one of my leg malfunction after crossed both sleeping. Afterward, both legs could stand. BUT THIS TIME was different, I could not only move, my hands could not say “Help”, even called my sleeping parents. After I'd fallen down, I did not feel pain. Before I'd unconscious, I saw the box of rice and floor cloth. At that moment I thought, "If I die, that's good, it was any pain but I don’t know the reason only."

My mom and dad discovered I was comma and fell down after 1-2 hours, then they called “999” and I was operated in Tuen Mun Hospital. (Tuen Mun is where I’d live.) Afterward, I knew that I had comma and made a 3 days dream. But it was a month later that I realized I had Stroke.

After comma, where I go? I were an Indonesian lady and have married to Indonesian prince. He is thin, long and dark face. Nevertheless, I’d never talk with him, I couldn’t walk and always sit on floor. Funny! There was a circle placed flatted in the palace, I was pushed in suddenly, then fell down on wild grassy place. I looked back, the transition was upper the grassy ground a feet above and glanced I worn purple dress. Then, I became a prostitute.

I had 2 or 3 “customers”. Are they customers? Not sure. Only knew that they treated me good and they were gentlemen. Eventually, a man whom whiter than me and accompanied with me. I asked, “It likes a comedy and what is my life? It is totally difference. So mess! I wouldn’t be that!” Then, I had a conclusion. “It should be a dream but it is very very long. Why? Why? Why?......”

Shinning and heard some voices around me. A woman liked my mother hanged to another woman and she liked my mother-in-law. Then another lady asked me some questions but I didn’t remember. One of them seems liked, “Can you watch long distant place?”

After questioning, my bed, I lied down originally, liked a supermarket cart, rolling to another place. It was still shinning but all light come from many lights on the ceiling.

I asked myself why I encountered that? It might be I have interested on politic. It was always reported about Indonesian political news before my incident. Sure, I concerned it. The purple clothes were typical hospital Intensive Care Unit (ICU) clothes (at that time). The dropping feeling should be transferred from a bed to another. Then, why I was a lady instead of man? It's probably 21st century women is great both the feeling and performing. And the prince, why he was not my Mr. Right? He was thin and suntan. For prostitute, it may be relinquished feeling. How about the “customers” and the last one accompanied with me”. Actually, I have no idea of them.

Among the unconscious, there were many SGI members pray and chant for my recovering. Two old ladies had gone to Tuen Mun from Hong Kong Island to visit me. We were not acquainted, they was noticed there was a Young Woman Division (YWD) member encountered Stroke and was medicated in hospital only. On the other hand, my parents and siblings asked the consultant doctors when I would recover. Obviously, it was no one could expect. They replied it relayed on my health and my will power. The conscious chance was 50 / 50.

After my conscious

I was transferred from ICU to normal ward. Actually, all beds in hospital are liked a supermarket cart with rollers. I couldn’t sit down and needed others help me to sit on bed for eating or doing other activities. Although I was conscious, I could not recognize the reality because I dreamed a long, long time. In ward, my mom worried I would hungry, so she prepared a cake. If I woke and felt hungry, I could satisfy before meal. When I was alone, I reminded what is “Cogito, ergo sum (French : Je pense, donc je suis)”. It is a topic quoted from a speech of SGI 3rd President (President Ikeda). The original is complicate to explain, if simplified the meaning should be “I think so I am available”. I AM THINKING WHETHER I AM AVAILABLE? I quest. THEN, ALTHOUGH I AM AVALABLE, IS IT REALITY?
While I was thinking, I’d eaten my mom prepared cake. I’d taste it, it’s lemon. But it’s not enough, then I smell it. It’s lemon, too. I recognized I was available. That’s mean I realized, than I recognized, I touched, I tasted, I smell, I liked found a new world, I’d never happy but there was only I COULD JOY about that.

Then, I was so sad, why? Instantly, I quested in my heart, “Did all know? Everyone knew whenever is real! Why am I?” I felt I was pity. I remembered an old colleague stated on consoling card, “Fortunate is not inevitable”. Right! That’s true, “Fortunate is not inevitable”, alive in reality world is not inevitable, too. In real world, alive and fortunate is not inevitable indeed.
Looked back when I comma, I had been operated such as inserted a pipe in forehead, dug a thumb-size hole to release the water in brain for reducing brain pressure, then placed a pump on the right side of head, located upon the ear, connected with a tube within the skin and bone from head to stomach, they were so complicated but can help if re-Stroke. Because of operations, I was shaven head. My right-hand side (whole body) of temperature feeling confused, so I had scalded many times.
After I conscious, I was tried to insert an endoscope from my nose, used adult nappies, inserted a 2 to 3 feet endoscope for checking my brain from leg. Then, one day morning, I had be set a cage on my head, liked Science Monster, for fixing X-ray operation. Since then, I could take pills without water. I felt I was not human, as worse as I felt prolonging my last gasp."

In ward

Some people acquainted me, son of mother’s friend, my auntie’s friend, my cousin’s classmate. I queried why there were so many people had related with me. That’s because they were working there. But it caused, “Help! When is reality? What’s the hell? My body is different. Outside of my body …..Crazy! It’d really caused me confused. I can’t realize the truth, am I still dreaming?”

Then, amazing date arrived! I met a girl who acquainted me, not related to my relatives. And she was a member with me in the same Chapter (in SGI structure). Reason of her available in Tune Mun Hospital was her internship of Speech Therapy of HK University. She worn white friar, standing behind my bed, talking with a doctor. I looked at her and she looked back to me likewise. After she talked with the doctor, I asked whether we were acquainted because I wanted to realize whether I was available in real world. She replied, “Yes!” Then, she told me didn’t worry. Subsequently, I realizing she was interning, so we didn’t talk any more.

Since then, I really realized I alive. Afterward, I remained in hospital for 3 months. Then I stayed in Kwun Tong Margaret Trench Rehabilitation Center where located in distance with my home for 2 hours by bus and it’s along with a hill. My mother visited me while I stayed there, even took off bus she needed to walk 15 mins. I stayed there around 8 weeks. There's similar as Gym Room or some exercise House. But the opening hours was 9am to 5pm. In weekdays, I needed to Rowing, Stepping, Running and practiced typing, screwing, training reaction and so on. Continuously in 8 weeks non-stop, I liked in jail. It is hard to imagine an office lady (OL) with almost 100 office colleague was inferred to a rehabilitation center suddenly.

Every mornings, some nearby residences queued up to take mini-bus there and eyeing with questions in mind on a young lady while I needed to go to closed park, walked up a slope and some switchback with stick for training.

Actually, I never believed I could alive which was 180º changing of my original life. No! This was not only 180º changed, it was unimagined of losing live ability.

I eager return to have healthy life!

After leaving the center, entering a school closed to my home, which was Tuen Mun Institution of Vocational Education (TuenMunIVE). I thought I had learnt Secretarial Studies before gotten stoke, it should be no problem!

Besides, I joined SGI Student Division (SD, it is a group of SGI members who are studying in Universities). I should restart from here but the problems had been started together with the new mission.

Restudying! I thought I belittled, it was full of problems. The first, I was not studying for many years. Although I studied in Night school or interest group, they are totally disparity and lots of things were changed such as my mind and body. The second, other classmates are studied step-by step, from junior to senior grade, to IVE. I had worked for 7 to 8 years, our ages almost a decade difference, there was a big gap of our valuation and opinions. The third, my hand side of my body influence by the Stroke. Among to writing, typing, walking, balancing and even seeing, I had double visions since the Stroke started. For my memory and expressing were worse than before. Based on above to study, the result had to be worst. The forth, I overcame and similar problems had use most of time, from the first to third, others couldn’t offer some time to suffer. The fifth, I couldn’t find model to follow and I didn’t familiar, it was totally difference with my world, so I sealed myself. On the other hand, although I didn’t need to take pills but my face was difference, the sequela was my face changed, some sores on my face, I needed to wear 1 or 2 bigger size of trousers, my hair-style changed, I only had 1 or 2 inch length hair. When I mirrored just liked a disaster, it was unbelievable on the reflection was me. In the hospital, I liked a monkey. Now, I liked a gorilla.

For example of my vision, I can see 2 altars with “double vision”. Each 15^th of Chinese Calendar, I could see 2 full moons in the sky. When I went to upstairs or downstairs, I did not know where I could step because I could not see thing in 3 dimension (3D) and my balancing not so well, too. So I might step on wrong way and then fall down. Inner and outer selves were not familiar but the mindset was me. I asked myself, “Am I still a human?”

Like different cultures and countries

After 2 years since the Stroke, that was 2000 summer time, I was been in Singapore for 9 days traveling. The main reason is my fond of traveling, the inducement was saving enough mileage would be expired, so I had the flight ticket. And I acquainted some friends there, I could live in 1 friend’s place. In the trip, I took flight, buses, underground railway, visited supermarkets and Saitosa Island alone. When it's dark, I’d also returned to the accommodation place alone. However, it was great that I acquainted a SGI member in bus while I returned from Saitosa Island, we are both Chinese but her Mandarin mixed by domestic language, so we did not communicate throughout.

In 2001 summer time, I completed the Secretarial course. Then, I joined the SGI 1^st 21^st century Japan Youth Training Course, it was a big event and training in Japan. Actually, it was hard to join. I was overwhelmed and had great impression. I acquainted other HK and Macau (closed to HK Island and colonized by Portugal) youth members and many interpreters, with more than 50 countries and territories members studied and visited Buddhism Centers there.

In LingNam Unversity

Before I had been in Japan, I chose to study in LingNam University Community College, although I did not know whether I could enroll. After I participated the training course, I realized I had a great mission in my life. Then I was accepted and enforced on it. In the 1^st year, my situation was similar as previous.

I thought I needed to study 2 years originally. Since the GDP was not enough, I needed to learn 1 more year. Even though I graduated, my result was marginal. However, I could learn Philosophy, Logical Thinking and so on, they changed my opinion and I could recognize who I am. I also knew what are Cultural Studies, Translation, Chinese and English Literatures and Principles of Politics, those I had never learnt. From the above subjects, I liked to be trained as fresh. I could study in university, which made my tolerance, feeling differences, not only acknowledge but also wisdom.

I remembered I always forgot what I wanted to say. If I needed to discuss with others, that was impossible. I prepared some scripts but others would change totally after discussion.

I was encountered Stroke since 1998, enjoy my new life, new philosophy, new logical thinking and confirm or to certify myself. Through my experience, I chant to support myself and knowing “Fortunate is not inevitable”.

If you’ve no obstacle and feeling happy, you can get what you want, it is conditional happiness. It may be changed by different circumstances. If you’ve obstacles and feeling happy, courage to face no matter what, it is absolute happiness. Since you knew the obstacles or problems are your challenges which can polish a stone to diamond.

After learning

After studied in university, I waste 2 years to recognize what I can do, I stayed at home. But it was not blank, I read 2 series of SGI publishing ‘Human Revolution’ (Vol. 1 to 12) to ‘New. Human Revolution’ (Vol. 1 to 15)(SGI publishing), passed advanced level Buddhism Exam., learnt violin playing, found job in funeral halls as assistant corps beautician, influenced by TV program, Six Feet Under.

A weird feeling of sensed person followed while walked in path, anyway, I was wrong sometimes. Mostly the followers passed me and walked faster. Anyway, I wasn’t afraid because I was familiar. Since then, it is no effect of Halloween and ghost stuff, alone and tearing replaced scaring.

Also the unemployed time since I left university and I could not explain as normal people since my illogical thinking, even forgotten some special terms of my mother language, Cantonese and learnt Logical Thinking in university. Thinking was only available in inner-self. But the problems were outer-self, explanation. However, I could think and explain in English. But it was too bad, my English is not enough.

New job started

Since I didn’t work for a long time, a friend introduced as an assistant for District Councilor in her residential district. Yeap! I’d like politic even it was tiny related. The Councilor and I were colleague for 4 months. Then, I was unemployed for 2 months then.

One day, another friend called me for helping filled an employment class for unempolyees, hosts explained and compared with others industries in world, even expectation of the industry. It was suit me as I had worked in office and concerning world politic and economic. You found that I have many interested.

Others wanted to have a job but they didn’t. Otherwise, I had no prepared but the company employed me as trainee. It is an insurance company. She offered training and I needed to take relevant exams. In that period, she would offer some allowances. In the same time, I interested on funds or global economic. After passed all the exams, I became an insurance agent. Half a year, I transited my job to be a coordinator in another website creation company for almost 2 months. Then, I shifted to another insurance company which is the biggest (at that time) and it’s widen my acknowledgement.

Half a year, I left the company and studied body and foot massage, the course was hosted by the same employment class that held underneath of my living place, I live in apartment. I’d quite interested on it, probably it related to my health.

In the course, just 2 months, I acquainted new friends. One of them introduced me a similar as Multi-level Marketing (MLM) Business. Actually, it’s called Mutual Marketing. A branch stayed nearby our studied place, within 5 minutes on foot and it’s just across a bridge.

Although I had run another MLM business before gotten Stroke, they are different and my roles were not the same, too. I was being sale-lady, stock checked and contacted with customers face-to-face in the nearby shop. It encouraged me to react instantly. The situation trained up me, it was no tangible benefit instead it were lots of intangible benefit.

Nevertheless, staying in Tuen Mun is not suitable me. All of them used Cantonese and Mandarin only. But I'd like widen my life, so I'd also joined another team. It could help to open out English market.

Because of strengthen on web of the Mutual Market business, I wanted to establish relevant and good web site. On the same time, I encountered an Indian friend (also SGI member) help to install relevant and new software. It was unexpected, it should be the long chanting praying.

Amazing was not by accident. After installed new software, I had a chance to job interview which I applied for 2 months before, nearly forgotten. It is wedding planning co., this is the same as I expected. Originally, I wanted to set some wedding stuff web sites as business. Anyway, I am striving on the web technique for business.